Beneath the Surface
by Ariel3JLP
Summary: This is the truth about what is being thought and said in the show, the meaning of each look, action and comment of each of the six members of the Missing Persons Unit.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, form, or fashion own Without a Trace. If I did the show would be over because Sam and Martin would already be married.**

**A/N: This is really inspired by Spikey the Neon Blowfish (and you guys should check out Just a Little Bit More…it's awesome). I really liked the idea of taking what the show had and adding what I thought was happening. I got tired of having to think of new story lines when the TV show already has one going. So this is really my interpretation of what actually happens on the show…with some embellishments. Happy reading!**

**POV: Samantha Spade**

**Spoilers: Showdown**

**Chapter One: A Life Changing Phone Call**

An ominous feeling overtook Samantha when her phone began to ring.

She couldn't really explain it, but for some reason when she saw Jack's number flash on the caller ID she did not want to answer. The only reason for a call would be if something had happened to Vivian or something had gone wrong during the transfer of Adisa.

"Spade," she said cautiously as she flipped it open and held it to her ear.

"Sam, something's happened. I need you down here _now_," came Jack's rough voice from the earpiece.

Her heart plummeted as she scribbled down the address and then bolted down the hallway, ignoring stares from fellow agents.

She jumped into the first cab she saw and yelled the address at the driver. She cursed under her breath when they encountered some minor traffic and tried to stop the horrifying scenes she was imagining from penetrating her thoughts.

She didn't think she could have felt any worse as she jumped out of the cab and walked as quickly as possible to the horrible scene that met her eyes. The ambulance and police lights and people standing around staring seemed almost surreal to her.

She spotted Jack and nearly sprinted to where he stood.

"Jack, how bad is it?" escaped her lips.

"Danny's okay but Martin's bad," Jack said in a voice almost void of emotion.

At that point Samantha felt as if her heart had stopped beating. She felt torn between screaming and throwing up.

She turned to keep from crying but instead saw the ground littered with blood stained clothing. _His_ blood. _Martin's_ blood.

Time seemed to stop as she stared at where he had been lying only minutes before, unconscious and fighting for his life.

She was brought back to reality by Jack's voice.

"Okay, what can I do?" she answered to cover for her momentary brain lapse.

Although the last thing she wanted to do was work, the thought of sitting around the office or her apartment, helplessly waiting would torture her. And if Martin did…die…though she hated to even consider that, the one shred of comfort she would be able to find would be knowing that she had helped to capture the man that ruined her life.

Back at the office, she knew that she should get started immediately but she couldn't even begin to concentrate without knowing more than "he's bad."

She picked up the phone receiver and dialed Danny's number without even thinking. The first word, "Taylor," she had expected to hear, but the shakiness in the usually cool and playful voice scared her.

She wanted to believe that Danny was telling her the truth and that the doctors were "positive" but she couldn't. Danny Taylor was always trying to protect her and because of that she had learned to read between the lines.

Martin was not doing well, that much she knew.

She spent every bit of her time in the office working or calling the hospital.

"I even looked up the word's origin," was a testament to that.

She didn't take coffee breaks, didn't casually check her e-mail, and bathroom breaks consisted of doing her business, washing her hands and running back to her desk.

She knew that if she slowed down she would either begin thinking of how she had acted towards him even before the break up, or worse, how her life would be different if he never came back.

And running into Director Fitzgerald was no picnic either. She could see Martin in him. His eyes, his jaw, the defiant way he wanted to find Jack on his own.

"Of course, Martin's told us about you," was the most uncomfortable bit of it all.

What had Martin told him? Had he told Victor about their relationship or simply that she was an agent he worked with?

And of course she would get no answer from him without prodding and she wasn't about to ask. No, she would simply pretend, as he was, that this was just an ordinary assignment.

She called the hospital right after that brief encounter to see if the reason Martin's dad was working was because Martin was out of surgery and stable.

But much to her surprise, Martin was still in surgery…still in danger.

The first few times she called, she left polite messages asking for information.

The next time was a bit more forceful but still polite.

The last time, she was fed up. No one would tell her what was happening. She asked to speak to Dr. Rusio, although had he left the operating table to explain to her Martin's state should would have thrown a fit.

She just wanted to know if he was okay. She just wanted to know if she could begin breathing again or if she should keep praying.

As she was about to let the receptionist have it, she saw Danny walk up. _She_ was even amazed at how quickly her wall went back up.

She attempted and failed to move the focus off of herself. Danny quickly foiled that plan.

"Sam…he's going to be all right." He was just trying to comfort her, she knew that. And she didn't mean to pull away from him but it happened involuntarily as the phrase "How do you know?" raced through her mind.

"I just…I just need a minute," and she stalked off, trying to hold herself together for the few moments it would take to get out of the office.

She sat herself on a bench in front of a building outside, hoping that some fresh air and the low rumble of New York traffic would help clear her mind.

However, it wasn't long before thoughts of an absent Martin were flooding her conscious. She saw another agent sitting at his desk; an empty chair beside her at the conference table.

Soon her thoughts drifted to what her life would have been like without him.

No one to take her out for drinks after the case with the missing bus. No one to rub her neck on the balcony during the Colleen McGraff case. No one would have decorated the Missing Persons Christmas tree and no one to wear that ridiculous Santa hat. No one would have taken her out dancing on her birthday or surprised her with 100 white roses on Valentine's Day strategically hidden for her to find as the day progressed (twelve of which were delivered to her desk the following Monday without a name card).

And then it hit her. Without Martin, she would be dead. He had saved her one year earlier, jumping the man who had his machine gun trained on her moments before he fired.

And with that thought, she began to cry. She didn't sob or shake but the tears fell freely from her eyes and it took her a few minutes to regain control and pull herself together before heading back into the building.

When Danny's call came in that they had Dornvald, she felt little of the relief she usually did when they found the person they had been searching for.

She was glad the case was over but immediately busied herself with paperwork.

It was another hour before her phone rang again, distracting her from her work.

Her heart stopped for the second time that day as she immediately recognized the number as the hospital's.

"Hello is this Samantha Spade?" came an unfamiliar voice over the phone.

"Yes," was all she could choke out.

"This is Dr. Rusio. I'm the doctor who's been working on Martin Fitzgerald."

"Do you have any news?" She knew it was impolite but it was all that she could focus on. Was he alive? Would he make it? Had he died on the operating table?

"Yes. Mr. Fitzgerald will be fine. His vitals are stable and though he is currently resting, he was conscious a few minutes ago."

Samantha felt immediately relaxed. The knot her stomach had been in all day loosened and she was torn between crying, jumping up and down, and collapsing.

"Thank you so much, doctor." She hung up and headed into Jack's office where he and Danny were discussing the case and announced the good news. Danny looked relieved and Jack, although it wasn't very visible, was obviously more at ease.

The second she stepped out of the office she grabbed her purse and headed to the elevator leaving everything behind: her paperwork and her computer and lamp on.

She stood frozen in the hospital room doorway for a moment, struggling to take in what she was seeing. He looked dead. Pale and lifeless, his chest barley rising as he breathed the oxygen flowing into him.

Once she sat down, she didn't even make a conscious decision to grab his hand, but rather did it out of habit.

She had always hated this scene in movies and television, someone talking to the unconscious man, spilling their guts, but she didn't feel like she had any other choice.

"I'm sorry I…didn't come to see you sooner…I uh…I guess I was scared to see you like…like this. I want you to know that I know…that I haven't been very good about…being there for you. But I'm here now and…I'm not going anywhere…until I know you're alright."

"_What happens next is up to you,"_ she thought.

**A/N-Hooray! I like this. Leave me a review and tell me what you think…I'll be here all night.**

**Next up is Danny followed by Jack's perspective on what happened in Showdown. Then I'll try to hurry up and do Safe and hopefully get started on From the Ashes before Lost Time airs on Thursday. Hooray for no exams this week!**

**Hope you enjoyed it!**


	2. I Don't Know What Happened

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, form, or fashion own Without a Trace. If I did the show would be over because Sam and Martin would already be married.**

**A/N: This one is a little more disoriented. Danny was kind of all over the place in this episode so we'll blame my bad writing skills on trying to get the right mind set for Danny.**

_**Muzzy-Olorea-**ha, I'm not too worried about pulling a "muzzy." We all know I never update consistently so it won't be any different from any other time…I'm excited about a new chapter of CBD and PWVS! Hooray! I hope you like it!_

_**Evenstar656-**I know, who wouldn't have wanted more Marty awakeness in Showdown? Thanks for the review and I'm glad you liked my made-up scenes._

_**Liloo-**Are you crazy? Sam sooo loves Martin and they will be married! The writer's are definitely pushing for a reconciliation._

_**Jtsideout389-**wow! Thank you so much! I love how excited you are!_

**POV: Danny Taylor**

**Spoilers: Showdown**

**Chapter Two: I Don't Know What Happened **

I don't know what happened. One minute Martin and I were joking around like we so often did on a routine transfer. The next I'm ducking, trying to dodge the raining bullets, wondering if I'm going to live to see tomorrow.

If truth be told, I panicked. It's a good thing Martin was driving because I would have never thought to put the car in drive and use it to save us.

Slamming one of the shooters into the van woke me up.

"Back….back, back, back!" I screamed although Martin was already doing it.

I heard the tire blow, felt our impact with the other car and then everything went black.

When I opened my eyes I felt an intense pain that felt like my head was splitting open. All I wanted to do was close my eyes again and wait for the ambulance but I would not be given that chance, the sound of gunshots resounded in my ears again.

I rolled out of the car and unholstered my gun at the same time, driven entirely by instinct.

My chance came when Dornvald ran out of ammunition. I shot, emptied every round out of my magazine and only hit the driver.

When my gun jammed I didn't know if I should curse loudly or start praying that Dornvald wouldn't advance on me.

He drove away and I shot. I wish that I had gotten him when I had the chance, but I was satisfied, for the moment, to not be in mortal danger anymore.

That's when I heard it…the wheezing.

When I looked in the car my mind went blank. There he sat, my partner, my best friend, soaked in his own blood, hardly able to breath.

I didn't know what to do. All I could focus on was that sound and the look on his face. One glance into those eyes told me that he didn't think he was going to live.

"Somebody get an ambulance!" I yelled as I ran to the driver's side door.

I threw my phone to a guy standing near us and barked orders at him as I picked Martin up and laid him out on the ground.

I put pressure on his wounds and watched as his eyes filled with pain.

"Hang on…just hang on," was all I could say.

The next hour was a complete blur. I don't remember when the paramedics showed up or when Jack got there. I remember arguing with both and then jumping into the ambulance to head to St. Luke's.

When the doctor finally yanked me away from Martin and sat me down on the table I was fine. I couldn't understand why this doctor was working on me when my friend was bleeding to death. Why was he so concerned about my well-being? I was going to live to see tomorrow.

Then I talked to the ER surgeon who was working on Martin.

"One of the bullets came dangerously close to an artery and one nicked the small intestine. It's not good."

I felt like my world had stopped. Wasn't it bad enough that my brother was back in jail and the bad guy got away? How could something like this be happening?

I felt numb and barely remember feeling my phone vibrate.

"Taylor," I said in a voice that scared even me.

"How is he?"

Samantha. She hadn't even crossed my mind. I know she likes to think she's Superwoman and that things can bounce right off of her, but they don't. She can't handle things concerning her past, kids, and friends. And I know that she especially couldn't handle losing Martin.

So I made up an answer.

"You know these doctors, you never can get a straight answer out of them…they seem positive."

Unlike Samantha, Danny wasn't working to keep his mind off of what was going on. He was working for revenge. He wanted to kill the man who had so easily and so quickly changed his life from relaxed and comfortable to completely chaotic.

Seeing Lila Green's roommate Michelle lying dead on the floor only strengthened this resolve. For no other reason than the fact that she walked into the room a month early, Dornvald had snapped this woman's neck, ending her life and ruining Lila's.

"I have a feeling this guy's not going to heaven," was an understatement. I was positive he wasn't. This man had a spot reserved for him in the inner circle of Hell.

I could see Samantha staring at me out of the corner of my eye. She was watching me, uncertain of what to say to comfort me. I'm glad she didn't say anything though. Chances are I would have acted irrationally…or lied again.

I don't know what happened. When we walked into that medical center and realized that doctor was missing, something in me snapped. All I could think about was revenge.

And when Jack and I opened the door and saw him standing there, I didn't even see that doctor. I saw the gun and heard the shots and it was like I was back behind that car. All I could think about was shooting him. I didn't care that I couldn't see him. If Jack hadn't started yelling at me I would have shot my whole magazine through that door.

Of course, afterwards I felt really guilty and was intensely relieved that the door opened with a still breathing woman behind that door.

I don't blame Jack for sending me back to the office although I wish that he hadn't.

I spotted the blonde the second I stepped into the hallway. She was yelling on the phone and as bad as I felt eavesdropping, I wanted to hear who she was yelling at.

"Why won't anyone tell me what the hell is going on here?" It didn't take much to put two and two together, she was talking to the hospital. But soon she spotted me and hung up.

"Sam…he's going to be alright," I said, trying to comfort her. I could see the worry on her face and the fear in her eyes. She was trying to hide it but I've known her too long and have learned how to see through her.

Then she opened up. Granted, she didn't tell me how it made her feel but she did tell me what exactly was bothering her. And she did pull away from me when I tried to reach out but had I been thinking clearly I wouldn't have tried it anyway.

I watched her walk out, knowing that if something were to happen to Martin, Sam would never fully recover. She tried to hide how much he really meant to her but I could always see through it. Her actions right now just prove that you never really know what you have until you lose it, or come close to losing it.

When we figured out that Dornvald would be at the bus station, I was determined to keep my cool this time. I mean, obviously I was a little jittery and anxious, but very much in control.

Then I saw him, the man I assumed was Dornvald. He was the right height, the right build and had the same beard. I stared after him for a few moments to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating or jumping to conclusions.

Then I went after him, my heart racing. I had my right hand in position over the gun, ready to grab it if I needed to. I reached my arm out, grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, only to get a very dirty look from a civilian.

I apologized and went back to my post, carefully studying every person's face in a split second.

Then I heard more gunshots. While the cops around me froze, I took action, ordering them to follow.

I sprinted harder that ever I have before with no regard to who I was pushing out of the way. I pulled out my gun as I neared the roof entrance and people were more willing to move.

I was more than relieved to see Nuru sprinting down the stairs away from us and to see Dornvald lying on the ground and Jack with his gun trained on him.

I watched, hatred surging through me toward this man who so easily killed without remorse. I was careful to keep my finger off of the trigger, fearing what I might be capable of. I listened as Jack tried to talk him down, talk him out of, in essence committing suicide.

I watched in awe as Jack related to this killer, trying even after everything he'd done to try and save his life.

I'll admit that I am glad Dornvald is dead. I would never say so out loud but I can't deny how I truly feel. The world is better off without him; with one less killer out there.

When Sam burst into the office, her face radiating relief with the news that Martin was out of surgery and going to be fine, my whole thought process changed. So far that day it had been that I needed to avenge Martin and bring Dornvald down. But now, with Dornvald gone and Martin better I wasn't sure what to think. Sam and Jack were overjoyed by the news, and don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic that one day Martin will be in the office with us again, but the fact still remains that he's not fine. Who knows how this will affect his mobility, his mindset, the way he does his job. His battle is far from over.

We were in the same car, two feet away from each other and because he was driving and had to look over the steering wheel, he got shot while I only suffered a headache. He could have died and has months of rehabilitation in front of him while all I have to do is go home and take some Tylenol PM.

I can't help feeling a little guilty even though I know it's not my fault…I still got off with a better deal than Martin.

**A/N-Hooray, another chapter finished. I know these are coming fast and hopefully Jack's take on Showdown will be up by tonight. Once I get caught up they will not be as "inbox-filling." Also, with six agents now and the show getting back to normal there will sometimes be less to write about for some characters so not all chapters will be as long.**

**I hope you liked it. Leave me a review and let me know…especially if there is something you REALLY like or REALLY dislike. **


	3. I Had to Be Strong

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, form, or fashion own Without a Trace. If I did the show would be over because Sam and Martin would already be married.**

**A/N: Okay, I jump around a bit during this because it was easier to clump Danny's stuff together and Victor's stuff together instead of having to switch off between two different ideas. Anyway, I also left out a lot of the case work because that's pretty straightforward and a lot of it is in the previous two chapters. Safe is next, get excited!**

_**Muzzy-Olorea-**I heart your reviews, keep sending the scary eccentric ones my way! Um, I'm going to try to stick with 1st POV, I just messed up on the first one. Do you like reading 1st or 3rd better? And I will update my other story as soon as I'm caught up with the show and not three episodes behind anymore._

**POV: Jack Malone**

**Spoilers: Showdown**

**Chapter Three: Had to Be Strong**

That was one of the hardest phone calls I'd ever had to endure, followed by one of the hardest phone calls I'd ever had to make.

"Hello, Special Agent Malone," said someone on Danny's phone, a voice I didn't recognize.

"Yes," I said, irritated that Danny was playing some practical joke on me so late at night after the fiasco that was the assassination of General Gamba that afternoon.

"Um…hang on…Special Agent Taylor wants me to tell you that there's been an ambush. He's fine but Martin's been hit twice." I couldn't believe my ears. This couldn't be happening, not to a team that was already out one agent; not while I was at the hospital with Vivian.

This person gave me the address for where they were and I immediately headed out of the hospital and headed to the site. Then I had to call Sam.

"Spade," she said, so casually that I could tell she was winding down from the day already.

"Sam, something's happened, I need you down here _now_." She put up no argument but listened intently as I told her the address.

I knew that I had to hide my horror at driving up and seeing one of my agents bleeding and unconscious on the ground and another one completely in shock. I had to hide my concern for Danny's state of mind and I had to hide from Samantha how bad things really were with Martin. I had to be strong for the team or else no one else would be.

I knew that my main priority, as much as I may dislike it, was to track down and capture Dornvald. That was in my job description. I also knew that one of my implied responsibilities was taking care of the agents below me. That's why I tricked Danny into getting his head checked out (which is how I knew he needed it because he went along with it). That's why I didn't tell Sam how bad Martin really was. I needed her help and I know that sitting at home wondering how he's doing would only tear her apart.

I can't pretend that I wasn't affected by it though. Once no one was watching I was filled with anger. How dare he think he can attack one of _my_ agents and get away with it?

I guess that's why it was so much easier for me to step on the other shooter's wound, it was almost like payback…or karma. You shoot my field agent, I step on the part of you that got slammed into a van with a car.

I was never worried about finding Dornvald. I have found many a missing persons in my time and a guy like Dornvald could not stay hidden forever. I was more worried about finding him before he hurts someone else.

I confronted Nuru on a hunch, having no idea why in the world a man would risk capital murder with absolutely no motivation or reward. Of course he lied deliberately to my face but did not hide the guilt in his eyes. Not that it really mattered, I wouldn't have believed him even if he had done a better acting job.

When Danny came back, I was a little worried. But he said that the doctor cleared him and although he was probably inclined to be jumping back into the case too soon, the help was nice. Then he pulled out his gun a little bit too anxiously as we approached Lila Green's door. That should have sent the red flag up. I can blame my "forgetting" to keep Danny in the office on the shock of finding a murdered hooker on the floor, but truthfully I needed Danny out there with me and I thought he could handle it.

Needless to say I was wrong. Danny shooting at a blind target with an innocent bystander potentially in the line of fire was just reckless. And though he may think I was being too hard on him by sending him back to the office until I called him back out, it was necessary.

As if I wasn't having a hard enough time with two agents in the hospital and one mentally unstable, Victor Fitzgerald had to show up. If he had come as a concerned father just wanting to oversee the progress of the case, I would be okay. But no, he came as a pissed off Director who also happened to be a concerned father. And to make things even worse, he brought homeland security with him.

Hadn't I been working at the Bureau long enough to be given the benefit of the doubt when I say that I am going to find someone? Apparently not when Director Fitzgerald's son is involved. And who really cares how we get Dornvald even if it means sending an American citizen to her death, the end justifies the means right? Wrong. Not in my book. Not this time.

Then he blamed me for Martin's injury. I know that Victor doesn't like me but there has never been any reason for him to believe that I would intentionally put his son and one of my best agents into a life-threatening situation.

I was beginning to fear that Dornvald might slip through our fingers thanks to Danny's brilliant blunder and the actions of our misguided Director when Sam had a stroke of brilliance. He was targeting the loved ones of those he wished to see things his way.

It was difficult, finding Dornvald and Nuru's son in the full bus station and I couldn't believe it when I looked up and there they were, one looking fearful and the other with a gun hidden in his jacket.

I wanted to sprint up that staircase but in order to keep Dornvald oblivious to my position I had to compromise with a very brisk walk. When I got to the next floor they were nowhere to be seen. Obviously they hadn't left the building, there were only so many places to escape to.

The roof.

I was so relieved to see them on that roof top even though the second Dornvald heard me he turned around began shooting, using Nuru as a very vulnerable hostage. I ducked behind that car and stalled as I formulated a plan.

Lucky for me, Dornvald was so focused on his near getaway that he didn't expect me to come around from behind.

I watched him lying there, wounded from my shot as the policemen and Danny filed through the door, each with their guns drawn. Dornvald didn't seem to notice them. He was focused on me as I pleaded with him to drop the gun, to save his own life. Then he asked the inevitable question.

"Would you do it?" Would I drop the gun and take a traitor's life sentence over a triumphant and hero's death? No, I wouldn't. He saw it in my eyes before I answered, and knowing that I would be ending this man's life in a few seconds I felt it was my duty to answer him truthfully.

After my answer, I saw the resolve in his pain stricken gaze. I knew he would try and I knew what I had to do. I pleaded one more time and then pulled the trigger. Danny gave me a comforting smile but nothing could shake that feeling.

"Was it a good shoot?" Of course not, ending anybody's life, good or bad guy is never a "good" experience and Victor should know that.

And then he took me by surprise. He apologized for his rash actions. And although in the grand scheme of things a small apology doesn't mean much, any apology or admittance that he had been wrong from Victor Fitzgerald is huge.

I watched as a father left the office, headed to see his son. It was the first time I'd really seen the human side of Victor, and it was nice to see.

I knew he would run into Samantha there. She did not specify where she was headed as she bolted from my office a half hour earlier but it didn't take a rocket scientist to tell. Who knows what Victor would encounter upon seeing her. Perhaps a wrecked and broken woman, perhaps a grieving friend, I'm not really sure. Only time will tell and I'll make sure not to be the last to know this time around.

I headed back to my office to finish up some paperwork, something neither Danny nor Samantha had considered important. I finished an hour later and headed to the hospital myself to find Victor and his wife sitting in Martin's room. He was awake and very groggy but I saw the joy on Victor's face.

I left around eight that night, a mixture of emotions coursing through my body. Elation at seeing my agent all right and finishing a case. Distraught at the fact that I had killed someone only hours before. Horrified at the thought of Martin's parents almost losing their child.

And as I walked out to my car and sat down, instead of starting my car and heading back to my lonely apartment, I pulled out my cell phone and called Hanna and Kate in Chicago.

**A/N-I hope you liked it. I really think that sometimes I am too hard on Jack because of the whole S/M/J thing last season. He really isn't that bad so I tried to portray him in a good light.**

**If you haven't figured out by now, I am most definitely an M/S shipper. I hate the thought of Sam and Jack together. Gross. So, a lot of things are going to be very biased towards a reconciliation between those two in this fic but I will try to restrict my very random embellishments from being too fictional. For example, if it is very obvious that on the show Sam and Martin are not back together (although I pray that they will be) I will not have them making out in the break room in a chapter.**

**Well, this has been a long enough author's note. I have one more thing to say and then you can stop reading this…review! Hooray!**


	4. Spread Too Thin

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, form, or fashion own Without a Trace. If I did the show would be over because Sam and Martin would already be married.**

**A/N: This one's pretty short. Jack only went into the field a few times and the episode was more about getting used to having Vivian and Martin back. No worries though, more shall be coming soon. And also, I apologize for having two of the same POV in a row. I'll try to avoid that in the future.**

_**Muzzy-Olorea-**Trust me, if it were up to me the whole hour of show would be Martin and Sam making out in the break room…too bad though. Of course, I'm not sure how that would go over with CBS, but you never know. I'm slightly afraid that I can write Jack. I'm not sure this chapter is up to par though. Oh well, I have a whole season… and sorry about the weird chapter four that I sent you…_

_**Jtsideout389-**Thanks for the lovely compliments! I agree, Jack is a great agent and a good character as long as he doesn't date Sam…that's just gross._

**POV: Jack Malone  
Spoilers: Safe**

**Chapter Four: Spread Too Thin**

Martin called me the night before.

"Hey Jack, this is Martin. I just wanted to let you know I'll be back at work tomorrow. My psychiatrist and physical therapist have signed me off and say I'm ready. If that's a problem just give me a call back…I'll uh, be at home all night so, yeah. I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning. Night."

I wasn't sure that six weeks was long enough for him to recuperate no matter what his doctors said. But he was determined and I could always keep him in the office until I think he's ready.

I didn't call him back though and I didn't call him when we got wind of the missing high schooler. In fact, we were well into the case before I even saw him.

I wasn't at all surprised that he was on the phone working out the canvassing. I was pleased though. And the fact that he didn't throw a fit or get grumpy because he realized I was sticking him with desk work was very nice. It always irritated me when agents couldn't accept the fact that they couldn't start where they had left off after an accident.

For example, Vivian not understanding why she wasn't out chasing the bad guys. I'm just trying to do what is best for my team. She's not ready to be running after fugitives and she has to know that. Has she already forgotten the Chelsea Prince case?

I had to check to make sure that I didn't have a huge sign plastered across my face that said "Yell at me" or "Blame all of your problems on me" after Danny pulled his "yes, sir" crap.

There are trained specialists who deal with potential bombs and clearing buildings every day. Danny is not one of them. There are other places he could be that would be more helpful. If he were to go into that building he would only be in SWAT's way. But of course he doesn't want to hear that, he's already lived through one near death experience.

Danny is just asking for trouble. He shoots through closed doors, acts way too much on emotion and smarts off to me. And now, thanks to a faulty wire in a bomb I can add "thinks he's invincible" to the list.

I gave specific orders to find the kid and stay put. Where in that statement is "try to talk him down" implied? Ryan is going to be in therapy for years trying to get over the fact that he tried to blow himself up with a bomb and still failed.

After this case, I was more convinced than ever that we needed a new member. It was never specifically the fact that Martin was shot, Vivian had heart surgery and Danny is acting reckless. It's a combination of that really, along with the fact that we've been working day and night with an injured team for a year and it's starting to get to us.

The last thing I would ever want to do is to bring someone new into an already tight team that cares about each other and can predict each other's actions before they actually happen.

But it's necessary.

Exactly like I said to Martin, we're just "spread too thin."

**A/N-I'm so excited! Lost Time airs tomorrow! Yay! I'm just going to try and get as many of these done before tomorrow night. Next will be Viv's about thinking Jack is holding her back and witnessing the S/M hug. It will probably be pretty short too. Then Danny focusing more on the drama of "survivor's guilt" but also trying to delve into exactly what he was thinking with that kid. Then of course the S/M chapters…prepare for fluff. I practically shattered glass when I saw that scene I was screeching so loudly.**

**Anyway, leave me a review and I'll give you a cookie!**


	5. Training Wheels

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, form, or fashion own Without a Trace. If I did the show would be over because Sam and Martin would already be married.**

**A/N: Hmmm…Lost Time…was a bit of a waste, at least from a writer's perspective. There wasn't really any character stuff. Danny and Elena didn't seem awkward around each other, Martin and Sam were only in the same room for about 15 seconds, same with Danny and Martin. The only thing I can really write about is how Jack feels about that case. Really people, it's time to get the show on the road. Hopefully next week will fulfill my Smarty craving.**

_**Charlie-**I'm glad you like it…chocolate chip.  
**jtsideout389-**If you have any ideas about what you would like for me to write about send them my way. And you get a cookie!_

**POV: Vivian Johnson  
Spoilers: Safe**

**Chapter Five: Training Wheels**

I'd been back for a week when Martin showed back up. It was amazing the difference one person made on the case. There was so much to do and it had been three years since we'd had to function with only four agents. My doctor wouldn't like knowing how much stress I was already under again, although Jack tended to that.

I don't know what the big fuss was about. Jack kept me in the office at all times unless it was absolutely necessary that I go out. Samantha and Danny went on and on about how much easier things were now that I was back, but I'm not sure how much of a difference I made.

I guess part of me was very thankful that they are still so concerned about me, and I know Marcus appreciates it. But I'm not going to deny the fact that it is frustrating.

And now Martin was back. There just simply wasn't enough desk work for the both of us to do.

He looked good though. I can tell he isn't as well as he says he is though. It wasn't a particular thing he said or action that let me in on that. Just call it a mother's instinct.

But I'd seen the way he smiled when he saw me, and the way he looked when he saw Jack again, but I hadn't seen him as happy as he looked when he saw Samantha for the first time the whole day. I watched them quietly during the quiet and brief exchange but I couldn't resist the smile that crept up on me as Martin jokingly shrugged off the fact that he was injured…his own way of telling her it was okay.

Samantha's whole outlook was different the rest of the day. Even with the horrific details we were uncovering about boys in public schools, she always seemed to be smiling. There was a slight bounce in her step and she seemed more relaxed. It was good to see her like that again. That radiating joy had been absent for a few months but it was back again.

**A/N-Okay, so that turned a little S/Mey towards the end but someone had to say it. Plus Vivian wasn't really a big part of Safe except for the training wheels part.**

**Anyway, Danny's is next it will probably be pretty short too and then Sam and Martin's which will be full of fluff. **


	6. No Good, Very Bad Day

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, form, or fashion own Without a Trace. If I did the show would be over because Sam and Martin would already be married.**

**A/N: Hello all! Not much to say except that I hope you like this one. It is again pretty short so I'm sorry!**

**POV: Danny Taylor  
Spoilers: Safe**

**Chapter Six: Danny Taylor and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day**

I visited Martin every single day the first week after we got Dornvald. Granted, each time he was completely knocked out because of all of the drugs. Then the second week, we all went as a team. Mr. Johnson wheeled Viv in and she brought him flowers. Jack brought with him a get well card that the whole 12th floor had signed. Samantha didn't bring anything but she didn't have to. Martin was happy enough with the fact that she wasn't giving him the cold shoulder anymore. And as it turns out, Samantha had already seen him awake twice.

He wasn't cruel to me or anything. He smiled and greeted me just like the others. But then he said,

"So you're okay? You didn't get hurt?" I know he didn't mean anything by it, he was just making sure that what he remembered was right. I even know that he was probably relieved by the fact that I hadn't been hurt as badly as he was.

But I still couldn't help feeling guilty that I was standing there completely healthy and he was stuck in a hospital bed. While I am running around doing the job that I love, Martin is stuck in bed with nothing to do but sleep and eat. And the worst of it was that I knew that he wouldn't be out any time soon. He would eventually be able to go home but then there was physical therapy.

That's why I stopped going by. I couldn't sleep that night. I guess it was selfish of me to stay away, but I couldn't face the guilt I was feeling.

And then when he showed up at work…I could barely stand it.

Jack told us he would be back that morning during the debrief and I was so excited. I knew I would have to own up to not visiting him, but he would be back where he belonged. Things would be back to normal.

I had expected the old Martin. The happy-go-lucky, crack a few jokes and then get down to business Martin. But what I got was a very pale, thinner, limping with a cane Martin. All I could do when I saw him get out of the elevator was stare. My stomach knotted up and I couldn't force myself to get his attention.

So instead, I ran.

I jumped into that elevator and hoped that he wouldn't catch a glimpse of me.

Then later, when he was coming out of the interview with Ryan's mother, there was no where for me to go without Martin seeing me, so I stood there and waited for the inevitable confrontation.

"Hey!" I said trying to sound enthusiastic when really my stomach was plummeting.

"How have you been?" I asked, unable to tear my eyes away from the cane he was using to support himself. It was a stupid question to ask for two reasons: he was using a cane and if I had been visiting him I would know the answer. He answered in an almost automatic "Yeah, I'm okay." I'm sure he said that to everyone, Martin was never one to enjoy a pity party.

I was afraid of the uncomfortable silence so I quickly changed the subject.

"Tough case to come back to, huh?" Work, how more impersonal could I be? I felt like such an idiot standing there with nothing to say to my best friend, the guy I'd been working next to for three years.

I couldn't stand the guilt anymore, I had to say something, if only to clear the air.

"Look Martin, I'm…I'm sorry that I haven't come to see you in a while." I couldn't explain to him why I hadn't been to see him, I would sound like an idiot…or a girl. And of course Martin shrugged it off, telling me not to worry about it and trying to take away my guilt by saying that he was knocked out anyway, but it didn't work. I still felt guilty, I still felt like a chump, and now I had to run again.

We could deal with it another time.

I guess when I saw Ryan sitting there with the detonator in his hand I felt the chance to make something go right that day. When he opened up to me, for some reason I just felt that maybe if I could make him put it down then everything would be right in the world again.

Instead it backfired. I practically talked the kid into blowing himself up.

And as I realized that he was going to do it I just knew that my life was about to end. I jumped behind the table, covered my head and waited for the blast. Instead I heard the frustrated noises as he tried to set it off over and over and the rushed footsteps of Samantha and Jack as they rushed towards us.

I didn't need Jack to tell me I'd screwed up. I'd been standing there staring at Ryan for a half hour as the paramedics had checked him out and then as the police came to arrest him.

All in all, it was one of the worst days of my adult life.

**A/N-Okay I know, another short one, but I have two very fluffy ones coming up next: Sam and Martin on the hug. Of course Martin's will entail the confrontation with Danny, being stuck in the office, the hard times of his first day back, and the horror of needing a new agent. **

**Life is about to get busy for me again so updates may not be as frequent but I will try to get caught up by a week from Thursday. Also, sometimes my internet connection decides to be annoying and not let me upload so that may also cause a delay. **

**I hope you enjoyed! **


	7. Top Hat

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, form, or fashion own Without a Trace. If I did the show would be over because Sam and Martin would already be married.**

**A/N: Okay, I am such a hopeless romantic and I so love Samantha and Martin so this is my super-fluff chapter. Because Sam's real only big part that didn't have to do with the case was the S/M hug, that's what this chapter is about so…there you go. I love S/M!**

**POV: Samantha Spade  
Spoilers: Safe**

**Chapter Seven: Top Hat **

I stayed true to my promise. I wasn't going anywhere. Martin was not alright despite what he told me every time I saw him. I always got his schedules from the receptionist to find out when he would be awake (because he was so heavily medicated for the first two weeks) and visited him at every possible opportunity.

He _was_ on a lot of drugs though. Most of the time I would just talk to him and tell him about whatever case we had just wrapped up but he would have no clue what I was talking about. He would listen and smile and just stare at me until I finished.

He always asked how Danny was. He wanted to make sure that there weren't any aftershocks of the head injury. Then he always asked if Jack was seeing anyone new yet since his divorce was finalized. At first it was a little awkward but I guess it was just his way of making sure that I hadn't picked up where Jack and I had left off. Of course, once they lowered his medicine dosage and he was really thinking he stopped asking that one.

And he always asked how I was doing. It just amazed me that he was lying there, wounded and having almost died and he was still concerned about how everyone else was doing.

I helped move him back into his apartment once he was released from the hospital. He hated it…said it made him feel less manly because I was doing everything for him. He was in a wheelchair at that point and I spent a lot of my free nights at his apartment making him dinner. He hated that too but it was because I'm a terrible cook.

But that last week, when the doctors "strongly encouraged that he try to move around without the wheelchair" work got really busy and I couldn't come over any more. So instead of going over I would call either from the office or on my cell phone during the cab ride to my apartment.

And then Jack said it…the words I'd been anxious to hear since Martin had been shot.

"Martin called me last night to let me know that he will be back at work today. He has a final check up this morning so he will be in later. Try to act normally around him."

I'll admit that I was a little shocked to find out that he would be back. I had talked to him the night before and he hadn't said a word about it to me. And then of course I was sent out into the field so I wouldn't be in the office when he finally showed up.

I tried not to seem anxious as Danny drove us out to the high school, but he sensed it.

"You excited to see Marty?" he asked, that smug grin in place as it always was when he mentioned the two of us.

"I'm just as excited as you are," I said smoothly.

I felt ridiculous for being so anxious about seeing him. I had been around him more than anyone else on the team and it had only been a week since the last time I'd seen him and only a few hours since I'd last spoken to him.

"Yeah, I bet," Danny said, the smallest hint of sarcasm in his voice.

I gave him a dirty look as we pulled into the parking lot but let it go as we marched through the front doors. I had to remain professional and lucky for me, I had perfected the act of hiding what I was really feeling and putting on a mask.

Once we were back in the car though, and headed back to the office, I couldn't fight back my own nervous habits: biting my lower lip, moving my right leg up and down, and tucking my hair behind my ear countless times. Thankfully Danny didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. I could see exactly what was going through his mind by the look on his face.

He dropped me off at the front of the building and then went to park the car by himself. When I asked why he did that he just gave me an exasperated look and pushed me out of the car and onto the sidewalk.

I walked faster than normal to the elevator and pushed the number 12 at least three times under the impatient belief that it would make the elevator go faster. I sighed audibly when two agents got on at the fifth floor and pushed the number 10, earning me a few well-deserved looks. I tried to contain myself as I walked down the hall and got closer and closer to our desks, giving Mack only a brief smile as I blew past his office.

I tried not to be too visibly disappointed when I walked into the bullpen and Martin was no where to be seen. Instead, I put my professional face back on and headed over to where Viv was sitting to help her out.

It wasn't too long though, before he walked in.

"Cunning and wounded, dangerous combination," Vivian said as we discussed the state of Ryan Wallace.

"Yeah," I replied, again realizing how much nicer it was to have Vivian back in the office.

"Talking about me?" My heart leapt up into my throat and although I knew it was him, I had to see it to believe it. And sure enough, there was Martin, walking toward me with a huge grin on his face. I'm still surprised that I managed to only say "Hey!" and give him a hug because what I really wanted to do was jump up and down and then run into his arms.

I know that I held onto that hug a few seconds too long, and I know that Vivian and Danny were sure to discuss the connotation of those precious moments at some point in the near future, but at that point in time the rest of the world just seemed to fade away. Had there been no one else around and if I hadn't been worrying about "how long is too long now that we're not together anymore," I could have held on to him for hours.

But all too soon I remembered that we were in the middle of the office and that people would notice if I just hugged Martin for the rest of the day, so I pulled away. And that's when I saw the cane.

I don't know exactly what I expected. There was no way that he could go from wheelchair to fully functioning in seven days, it just wasn't logical. But a cane made him feel too much like a cripple…it just seemed too permanent.

"I left my top hat in the car," he said when he noticed what I was staring at.

He could still do it. After all these weeks and all of the pain and anger we'd been through, he could still make me smile.

"You look good," I said as I stared into those pools of blue. I was elated. I couldn't get over the fact that he was back for good.

"Thanks, you too." I laughed as I thought about this statement. Of course I looked good. The only times he'd seen me in the last six weeks were after I'd already showered and my hair was pulled up into a curly mess, my make up was off, and I was generally dressed in sweats and a t-shirt.

It wasn't until later that night, when I was sitting on my couch watching _I Love Lucy_ reruns that I realized he wasn't talking about my physical appearance. He wasn't really saying "You look good," but meant "I've _really_ missed you."

**A/N-Sorry, that ending wasn't really romantic, was it? Well, imagine what happens next. Does she go to bed wishing she were with Martin? Does she call him up and chat for hours? Does she run to his apartment and beg for his forgiveness and they live happily ever after? (I vote for the latter…) **

**Anyway, Martin's is next! Hooray! Leave me a review and I'll love you forever!**


	8. I Can't Lose Him

**Disclaimer: I do not own Without a Trace, its plot or its characters…trust me, if I did, Martin and Sam would be married and he would NOT be on drugs…**

**A/N-**So, what's up guys? Sorry about not updating since episode 2. School got incredibly busy (but that's no excuse). But then let's seriously consider what has happened so far this season. Samantha and Martin talked about tomatoes, Danny rode a motorcycle in Mexico and pushed Martin, Martin stole drugs and Jack is getting all choked up about a tie. There is season 4 as it stands in a nutshell.

So, I'm just going to go ahead and start with tonight's episode in which Samantha FINALLY finds out! Again, I cannot be held responsible for any unnecessary fluffiness in this…but I did try to keep it to a minimum since it was more about their friendship than romance.

**Chapter Title: I Can't Lose Him**

**Episode: The Road Home**

**POV: Samantha Spade**

I sat at the conference table, staring up at the picture of our latest victim. My foot was jiggling under the desk, half from irritation and half from worry. I checked my watch for what seemed like the hundredth time in that half hour.

"Where is he?" I thought to myself. It was so very unlike Martin to show up late to _anything,_ but especially work?

Danny called from downstairs to tell me that he had the car ready to head out to the dispatcher's office. I picked up the file and headed to the elevator, simultaneously pulling out my cell phone and speed-dialing Martin's home number.

"Hello," said a groggy voice on the other end.

"What are you still doing at home? You were supposed to be here a half hour ago," I said, sounding much more domineering than I had intended to.

"What? Oh crap, I overslept. I'm sorry."

I couldn't conceal my smile. He sounded so clueless and I could just picture him lying in his bed with his eyes still closed before realizing what time it was, then jumping out of bed and scurrying around his bedroom trying to find a wrinkle-free shirt.

"What have I told you about staying out late on school nights?" His gruff laugh came through my ear piece.

It had been nice like that for a couple of weeks now. We could just joke around like we used to. Last year when we were dating, I was always double checking my words before they came out of my mouth to make sure that it wasn't too flirty. Then when we were fighting and after we broke up, I avoided him at all costs and only spoke to him when it was absolutely necessary. Then after the ambush, he had been frustrated and angry and I felt as if I were always walking on eggshells around him.

But now, things were starting to feel normal again. Like on the last case while we sat in the car waiting for the delivery man in orange and we talked about my fear of tomatoes. It was easy conversation. Nothing was forced anymore, and it was nice to have that part of our relationship back.

I'd be lying if I had said that I wasn't looking forward to working with Martin today.

But then he flipped out on Ramsey, using a knife on him. For a fleeting second, I was scared that Martin might murder him right there on the spot. I'd never seen him that angry before.

And then when I went back to the office and Danny went off about going and asking Martin myself, I couldn't help but feel a little frustrated. Clearly there was something going on here that I didn't know about.

And Danny certainly wasn't any help.

But as I stepped out of the cab in front of Martin's building, a wave of mixed emotions swept over me.

I hadn't been in this building since last April, almost a year now. I walked into the familiar lobby with its burgundy carpet and gleaming elevator doors. There's a new doorman, I couldn't help noticing as I smiled and passed him.

My finger went automatically to the "6" button in the elevator and my stomach gave an uncomfortable lurch as the doors closed on me and I was hurled upwards.

I didn't need to check the sign to see which way number 624 was.

But as I walked up to his door, an odd sense of foreboding fell over me. I just knew that whatever was about to happen would not be easy. I took a deep breath and lifted my hand to the door and knocked.

I heard him grumbling something inside as I knocked again.

"Who is it?"

"Samantha."

There was a hesitation before he opened the door. One thing's for sure, he definitely did not look happy to see me standing there.

"Hey, can I come in?" I asked as he kept the door slightly closed. "Bad time?"

"Well, I wasn't really expecting company, but yeah, come on in."

Whatever I thought, I was not prepared for what I saw when I walked into the normally spotless and organized apartment. There were clothes everywhere and trash on the floor and table. Martin's apartment had never been this messy before.

"Did Tina quit?" I asked, looking around at the horrible state of his coffee table.

"Nah, she went back to the DR. Her daughter's been sick."

That's when I saw it: that small orange bottle. I knew it didn't belong there but I did not expect to see the Gina Hill's name on the label.

"What are these?" I asked standing up once he was back in the living area.

"Prescription for my hip okay?" he replied defensively.

Maybe he could have fooled someone else with that story, but he was forgetting that I had been shot not too long ago myself. I had been prescribed the same pain killers and had been off of them before I needed to be.

"You got hurt over six months ago, you should be off these by now. And it also mentions Gina Hill. Did you steal these from her house?"

His face was contorted and I knew I'd guessed right.

"Know what, it's time for you to go," he said, anger dripping from every word as he turned to the door and put his hand on the knob.

"Did you take these from her house?" I asked again, moving forward but with no intention on leaving that apartment. He'd have to pick me up and throw me out the window if he wanted me gone that badly.

"You know what, back off because it's none of your business!"

"It is my business if you're stealing drugs from victim's homes!"

"Damn it, just STOP!" he yelled.

"No! This is a problem, it's…" but he cut me off.

"_What_ do you want from me?" He had never yelled at me like that before. In all of our fights I was always the yeller and he was calm. Sure, he could throw in a few chosen comments that always made me feel worse than if he had yelled at me, but he never would raise him voice. And frankly, I was scared.

"I…I want you to let me help you."

"I don't want your help. I don't need anybody's help, okay?"

"Martin, please, just tell me how to help you." I was chocking back tears as I pleaded with him. I had suddenly realized that this man I was fighting with, who was yelling at me and pulling knives on people, was not the Martin that I knew.

An overwhelming sense of loss came over me during the ride back to the office. We had sat for a little over a half an hour talking about what to do. He filled me in on everything that had happened and suddenly so many things made more sense.

But now that I was out of his apartment and my mind had time to think things over, I realized what had happened.

I could handle losing him as a lover. Yes, sometimes it still sucked when I sat at home and watched the Knicks games alone, but I still had him at work and he was still a part of my life.

I had almost lost him after the ambush, and it had ripped me apart. But even if he had died (though I still hated thinking of that) it would have been in the line of duty. He loved his job and it was a risk you took being an FBI agent.

But to lose him as a friend was more than I could bear. He was one of the best people I knew. But I realized that all the things that I liked so much about him, his caring, his passion, his sense of humor…they had all been lost and to something that none of us had seen coming. Drugs. Martin was the last person on Earth that I would have expected to get addicted to pain killers. I couldn't lose him.

I _wouldn't_ lose him.

**A/N-  So, there you go. I know I'm a little rusty, but it's a start, eh. Um, let me tell you what's left for this episode. One from Sam's POV (I know, another one, but I loved her in this episode) about the convo with Danny, one from Danny's POV about the addiction thing, and then one from Martin's POV.**

**So make me a happy woman and leave me a review!**


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